23.

In search.

So, I officially turned 23 today. Every year seems to be different, mostly in the divergence from the essence of my photography. There are many human regrets but I try not to think of them that way, it helps me cope and move on to cover them as inevitable choices that must have been done to make who I am today. Altho for the young ones who are reading this now, I would like to tell you how I wished I pursued an arts course instead of a practical IT one. I remember how my most favorite subjects during college were maths and arts, but of course, arts over maths. One of the ironies I’ve come to realize in my walk in life is, most young adults don’t really know what they want to do until it’s *almost* too late. Therefore, before you hit university, take a chance to take that course your heart has been shouting about (fashion design, graphic design, music, dance, animation, theatre, film, etc.) no matter how impractical they may seem. Because really, if you’re gonna be so awesomely talented at it, you do have a bright future ahead!

In non-reflective mode, I had a great birth day. Simple and warm; just the condition where my soul thrives in. I love birthdays even when I don’t officially celebrate them because I get to reflect on the years before and the years to come. Also when my family and friends get all happy as if it is their birthday as well (just for that brief moment when they greet you). I haven’t been blogging lately which has been a shame especially since I just refurbished my blog. I am even a day late on my birthday post! But I have been traveling and living life more, which for me has become more important. I can feel the foundation setting and the world allowing me the privilege to be more relaxed and open-minded.

Precious time.

Compared to last year, I haven’t got anything special to give. I’ve been reading more books and researching on a new opportunity to start another chapter in life. I can’t give the details as of yet, but I’m praying for it to come. God is so good and ever faithful, and it comforts me that He is the only stable unchanging subject in my life. The most striking thing I have realized now that I am actually 23 is, time is running and running and I am still not on the road to my goal of giving back to my loved ones. I have chased my dream and made compromises just to commit to this relationship, and I have learned more about myself in the long run. I want to do photography, I love it with all my heart… But I just don’t want to do it solely for money. In short, the conventional way (here in the Philippines) of it supporting me doesn’t make me happy–it kills me! (This is where I realized depression is inversely linked to artistic inspiration).

How many months I was into a normal job, I realized I would probably take 30-50 years to become free enough to pursue fine art. Fine art is tough in the Philippines, I must admit. It’s value is never high enough as the provision of basic needs takes most of the effort out of us. Only the small percentage will not settle for anything less, but most of them will more likely be inclined to the art of buying sports cars and designing mansions.

Somehow after a few client shoots, I found myself uninspired and immobile. I’m thankful for the people I have met and shared conversations with though, the opportunities made me realize what I really wanted to do.

I want to be free to create dreams and stories of my own.