Before It Dies.

I’ve spent the last weeks in deep thought while cherishing every simple instance.

Living in the moment but hypocritically thinking about the future.

I want to write about the things I learned when I traveled alone and came back, with nothing but impalpable rewards. I will write what I want for my poor memory’s sake. This entry will be full of my very boring musings so beware… You have been warned.

When I arrived at my destination I was greeted warmly, with introduction of crazy ideas and possible routes in life. I wanted to stay there, I thought, as long as I could. For the longest time I constantly found myself in this particular country, back and forth throughout the years since I hit 16 years old. It was the first of my many travels and little did I know I would have gone more than a handful in the years to come. It opened doors, and the saying is quite true, “When you’ve been there twice most probably you will be able to go back again. (and some more)“

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Luke 12:34

But at the end of my trip I realized something very important. It actually wasn’t the country that I wanted to go back to… But it was the warmth of those who were there, who always welcomed me.

I wasn’t after the destination, I was after the life and love created by the people.

One of the most important things I learned was about family. Uncle P is a quiet man but when he’s with family he likes to throw jokes around from time to time. My aunt told me he was always the father who would drop even the busiest of projects just because his children needed him. Need be small or big, needing a ride home from a fun day with friends or a show his child would participate in–my aunt told me she always believed that parents should be there to support. Both of them are an amazing couple, and excruciatingly humble. You could never notice that Uncle P was hassled to pick you up from the airport, because he would never even give a hint of complaint or fidget when the office called for him. You could never notice that Aunty B was drained of energy or tired of bringing you where you had to go, because she would always give out a hearty smile and go on and on with endless conversation even when she was actually about to get a fever. She was the kind of mother who knew when to step back when adolescence called her children and step forward when maturity kicked in. She knew when to give space and when to give kisses.

Staying with them taught me so many things in two weeks that a normal person would either learn in a lifetime, or never learn at all.

The best provision you can give your kids may not be education, shelter, clothing or money, but a good example in life.

Even though they will never know it, they touched me with their own little world. I hope that when I have a family I will be able to nurture love in my home like them. They don’t have the most perfect or successful children, but they have the most emotionally healthy and truly happy children I’ve seen. Even their children console other children. Outside their world, most parents never fail to give money or material things in lieu of their absence. But these material things can only go so far… And it will never be truly satisfying. Whether one likes it or not, his childhood will always play a part in shaping him as a person consciously or subconsciously.

However, given good or bad childhood, it is ultimately up to the individual with how he deals with life itself. To learn from it or make it as an excuse–there is always a choice.

Because all that we are is a result of what we have thought.

“Most of the time, forgiving someone is for your own sake than for the one who wronged you.

It is better to be free than to hold on to unproductive grudges. Who knows? The person who wronged you may not even have the slightest clue you’ve felt burdened.”

I learned to take a step back and notice the little things people do for me. I have to say it’s not easy and most of the time never evident, because the world will not tell us outright “this person did this just so you could do that”. No, most of the time we go by and accept gestures as if it were rightfully given to us. As if it were obliged to be done to us.

But if we truly want to live to the fullest then we have to step back and take an effort to think about other people more, appreciate what we have, keep standing even though we’re all bruised and hurt, be positive even when its tempting to be cynical and be utmost thankful for what we don’t deserve. Blessings shouldn’t be hoarded or it will never be able to multiply abundantly. So it follows that when you share what you have or learned, you might get more than you already bargained for.

Going against any current will be very difficult but not impossible.

Another thing is, I’ve always thought that achieving my dreams meant to shoot for big magazines or get majorly paid to do photography. But I was wrong and it took quite a while for me to realize that. I found that I was truly happy creating imagery that I wanted, and collaborating with people who were as passionate as I was. It always brightens my day when people tell me they love my works. I’m always touched when even the youngest of girls to the maturest of men tell me I inspire them. Thank you everyone for inspiring me as well.

In the end, I realized chasing success could only give you so thin a happiness as compared to truly loving what you do. Challenging yourself to see how high you can go isn’t wrong, but when will you be satisfied enough to stop and appreciate the beautiful world below? There were times where I shot for the sake of shooting, and even if I was doing photography it didn’t drive me as much as I thought it would.

Commercially, it is always a great opportunity to be part of a greater picture and I’m always thankful for them. But this post is to remind myself about things that truly matter to me. I was ecstatic about shooting for magazines, but I was always inspired and felt so alive when I was shooting my photostories. In the end, come what may! I tried to hold photography off, but I still find myself looking at my camera, shooting photos, capturing moments, thinking of possible imagery. I still value photos so much and realized that whatever I do, office job or starting a business, photography will always be a part of Anne Lorraine Uy.

I don’t know why but every time I click that shutter button, I’m ALWAYS excited to see how the photo comes out.

Even if for some reason, I am always getting allergic reactions on my hands from my 5D! My mom laughed at me when she said, “You truly love photography because even when you’re suffering, you still go back again and again to hold onto it.” Someone mentioned that if it’s truly your passion, you won’t be able to fully quit. When a singer retires, I bet she still sings in the bathroom. When an artist gets arthritis, I bet he still envisions imagery whenever he closes his eyes. When a musician loses his instrument, I bet he still hums along tunes of his fancy.

Because passions are beautiful like that.

This is to remind myself that I know in my heart that I don’t mind not having the fanciest of things, nicest of clothes or tons of money. Ultimately, I just want to be happy and grow old contented. I want to live to the fullest.. Which is actually quite different depending on every individual’s terms. 🙂 I know I have the tendency to be consumed in work, because I have a bit of a workaholic in me. That is why I want to remember to once in a while STOP. Anne, always remember that relationships matter and nature is literally wonderful!

I want to continue to believe in people who matter. I want to be grateful for even the smallest of things. I want to continue to fight for my own treasures, even when many might tell me they’re junk. In life, a lot of times only you can truly fathom the value of your personal holdings. And even if you try to make people understand, not all of them will have the heart and time to.

For me, traveling always reminds me how God is imagination-endless.

When I was going around the country, I was able to take a bus by myself. I totally felt like I was in unfamiliar territory… And what I could only refer to were snapshots from an app and pure gut feeling. Since it was my first time I was extra conscious of everyone and everything around me. I found a very old hunchbacked man carrying groceries for what seemed to be for a whole family. I gave him my seat whilst thinking of why he had to do this task when he looked too old to do anything but be spoon-fed… I wondered what kind of events in his life summed him up as the person he is now, nearing the end.

Some people will have life pass them by, and others will live every day always remembering how they shouldn’t let life pass them by.

Eventually, I did reach my destination. What I wanted to remember was the exhilaration of finding my way, feeling independent and being proud of this small challenge. For some reason, it made me feel that the world is so so big and I am but a tiny speck of a person. Things like problems are only as big as we make it to be.

One of my favorite things to do is driving to the mountains or a beach and just thinking about how I can make myself a better person.

Admittedly, right now I am in a state of waiting. Doing and waiting at the same time. Waiting whilst reflecting in the midst of my crossroads. I don’t want to waste my time, so I thought I might as well do what I can while I’m still free (spending time with friends, going out together, writing, reading and all other simple things that can be harder to do once you get older).

Down on a field of grass and flowers, gazing at the sky when suddenly a bird brings itself to wonder what in the world am I doing.